To Persevere
by Aliemah
Summary: Sequel to A Reason to Affiliate. Can be read without previous context. Saren and Emma struggle to begin again after the war, even more so with settling down into civilian life. Picks up right as the war is finished. Rated M for later chapters. Edit: On hiatus for the forseeable future. Leave a review if you want more!
1. Chapter 1 - Setback

"Emma!"

"Shepard!"

The woman couldn't have been far - the signal was coming from this zone and she knew better than to move after signaling. All of the men and women were shouting, hoping that she would respond somehow. Though to be truthful, no one was in any shape to be searching. He paused and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself before moving on. Saren stood absolutely still on a cliff of debris in London, and opened his eyes a moment later to scan the area for that stripe of red. It had only been a day, she could still be alive. He needed her to be alive.

Garrus eventually strode up to his left, a calm breeze picking up dust and moving it away.

"Some of the men are saying that based on the debris, she could be anywhere within ten miles of here. Are you sure you don't want to move on?" Garrus sounded tired, but concerned. Likely because Saren hadn't gotten any rest since before he'd come here.

"I know she's here. She set off a signal, she knows better than to move." He replied, eyes fixed on a particular pile. He didn't see anyone near it, and so he motioned for his friend to follow him. "I know the signal isn't 100% accurate, but I know she's here somewhere."

"I believe you, Saren." Garrus said, "I want to find her just as much as you do." the undertone in his voice shot pain into Saren's stomach, reminded that there was still some conflict. For now, he tried shoving the thought out of his mind.

They walked to the pile, and Saren crouched down to examine it closer. Something heavy had been here - some of the metal was bent oddly. His eye caught something shiny and he moved to pick it up. His body tensed and he grew worried when he saw the Alliance symbol on the dog tags. He wanted to turn it over to look at the name, but... He was afraid. If Emma had parted with her tags, that meant she had been here, and that she had either moved herself, or had been moved by someone else. But he turned it over, right as Garrus went to assist someone else with something decidedly more urgent.

_David Edward Anderson_.

"Anderson..." Saren lowered his head, aware he was speaking rather loud despite Garrus no longer being right there. He didn't feel much better, but he decided that the least he could do would be to find someone to give the tags to. Saren didn't want to think about what had happened on the Citadel, but he could only assume that he wouldn't be meeting David again in this lifetime. It was a shame, the two were actually starting to get along better than when they had first met. Saren had changed so much.

"He was a good man." a familiar, quiet voice said off to the far right, near a building.

"He was." Saren murmured just as he put the chain in his pocket. Saren looked to his right, only to find that there wasn't anyone there. He scowled, and looked around before heading towards the building. All the windows and doors had been shattered, or blown away. So when he walked inside, glass cracked beneath his feet. His eyes had to adjust to the darkness, but he froze.

This had been a store, judging by the long counter, and rows of shelving. Everything was damaged beyond repair, there were a few long-since charred bodies strewn about the debris-cluttered floor. He would have turned to walk out, but he saw a familiar face in an unfamiliar place. Just around the corner of the counter, close to the window, she had clearly dragged herself here with extraordinary effort.

"Sorry." she smirked, eyes half closed. He turned to take a few steps out of the building, waving his arms as he called for a medic before he ran inside to get her. He dropped to his knees before he reached her, but the momentum caused him to slide right beside her, able to take her into his arms. Her armor was blown to hell, and fused to her skin in some parts. Her shoulder and part of her right leg looked out of place, too. But she was here. Emma was alive.

"Why the hell are you over here?" he half-scolded as he nuzzled her, trying to avoid looking at all the blood below her neckline. Emma laughed a little and then coughed once or twice. His subvocals let out a strained whine at her condition. Saren lifted his hand to her face, trying to wipe away some of the blood and dust from her usual creamy porcelain skin. He then sat down, pulling her as close as she could get to him.

"Medi-gel kicked in about... seven hours ago. I thought I'd move inside just to make sure that no one would haul me away like last time." She leaned her head against his shoulder, lifting her good arm to place it on his shoulder. "Lost my omni-tool when I hit the ground."

"I didn't see it-"

"I bounced... A lot." she looked up to him, and he closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against hers, holding the back of her head. He let out a relieved huff, shaking a little at how happy he was feeling.

The medic arrived just minutes after he had called and Saren was unwilling to move away from Emma as he began to work. Saren moved to sit behind her, though, and watched as several needles were shoved into her veins, making her drowsy and helping the color return to her face. Since he was supporting her head, he was given a wet, clean cloth to wipe her face off, all the while talking to her to make sure that she didn't have a concussion, or any other serious injury to her head or neck. She told the medic that the only thing hurting was her shoulder and leg. A dislocated shoulder was easy to fix on the spot, but a broken knee was not. After her leg was put into a makeshift cast, Saren was allowed to pick her up to carry her to the shuttle that had landed about a half hour later. Emma clung to him happily as she began to feel the effects of the drugs pumping through her system to prepare her for a full medical examination. Hackett stood at the lip of the shuttle when it landed, looking relieved when Emma had emerged from the building.

"Let's get her to the hospital, Ben." Hackett ordered the second Saren stepped in, setting Emma down on the bench. She was starting to fall asleep and no one was about to bother her. Saren merely sat down on the small sliver of bench that was left, brushing the hair from her face as her head rested on his lap and took her hand when it reached for his. He didn't care about how things looked right now, and he doubted anyone else would care, either. No one spoke the whole way to the hospital, except for the small murmurs that came from Emma as she dozed off. If anything he assumed everyone was simply relieved that she had been found alive.

"Saren, we'll give you clearance to see her once we've taken a proper look at her." Hackett replied once they reached the packed hospital. A couple of doctors and nurses cleared a way to the back where it was less crowded, and much quieter. Saren had set her down on a bed and then walked away after a moment, talking with the other man once she was whisked away to a sterile room.

"Thank you." he said, still staring off in her direction for a few more moments. He'd like to help, but Saren knew that there was only so much he could do to help. Right now it was best he leave the helping to someone else.

"I should be thanking you. If it weren't for you, we never would have found her."

It was true. The moment the Citadel had released that strange energy, Saren had pulled out his omni-tool to search for hers, looking for any sign that she was alright. Or at the least where she was. It was an hour later when he finally got a reading to looked too fast for her to be running, and managed to pull together a decent group of men and women ready to go search for Emma right then. She had just saved all of them, they owed it to her to help Saren search. Of course the search wasn't limited to just Emma; several thousand men had become lost in the final moments of the war. Anyone they found was considered worth the search. And with each hour, more and more were turning up.

"Hackett," Saren said, just as the man was turning to walk away, "I found these where she said she landed." he pulled Anderson's tags out from his pocket. Hackett held his hand out, taking them with a somber nod, turning them over thoughtfully in silence.

"He will be missed..." he took in a deep breath, and put them in his own pocket, before turning to look around the hospital that was becoming more and more like Huerta had been towards the end of the war. "If I'm being honest, I didn't expect to see this many survivors coming from the wreckage. I didn't even really expect Shepard to come out of this in one piece."

"She did break her knee." Saren said, letting his voice lift some. Hackett smiled.

"That's true." he turned to face Saren in full again. "You should get some rest while you can get it. I don't doubt that the media will be hunting you down after this."

"My favorite people." Saren grimaced, before holding his hand out. "I don't doubt we'll be running into each other again in the next few weeks." Hackett took his hand.

"That, you can be sure of. I'm not about to let Shepard out of my sight until she's well enough to leave this place. Take care."

Hackett walked briskly past Saren, needed elsewhere no doubt. Saren wished there was something he could do, but he really didn't know what there was for him to do anymore. There wasn't a war to be fought, or anyone to go chasing after. He had to find his way again. After waiting for a woman at the reception desk to be free enough to talk to him, Saren found out there was a shelter just a block down the street where he could likely find a place to sleep. It was close enough that, if for any reason there was an emergency, he could be there quickly. Thanking the woman he walked out the front door and headed towards the shelter.

There was no way of telling what was road and sidewalk anymore, but for the most part it was assumed that the middle-most part of the space was reserved for trucks and other vehicles. Saren trudged on, glancing around without taking in his surroundings. He was tired, and in need of some warm food. From the corner of his eye, he saw his omni-tool light up, and he recognized it was receiving a call from Garrus.

"I meant to call a few minutes ago. Slipped my mind." Saren started.

"Did you find her?" he looked worried, and likely just as tired as Saren was.

"I did. She's alive and she's at the hospital. Right now she only has a broken knee, but they're giving her a full examination. We won't be able to see her until tomorrow, I assume." He looked up and paused, stepping to lean against the building.

"That's a relief." He paused, and Saren could see he was hiding something.

"Out with it."

"We think we found Anderson's body... It's hard to tell, though, there's no identification on him." Garrus' subvocals came through clearly, and Saren could tell that he was hurting.

"His tags were with Emma when she landed. I'm assuming he was dead before that burst of energy happened..."

"Probably." there was a long pause and Garrus sighed, "Either way, it would be nice to know who we found. But where are you now?"

"Just outside the shelter they set up here. It's about a block from the hospital."

"I'll meet you there. I think we should talk, now."

"Alright. I'll wait outside for you." Saren ended the call, and let his arm be pulled down by gravity, lightly bumping the wall behind him as the momentum carried it. He shut his eyes, trying to keep calm.

Right before the final push had been made, Saren saw Garrus and Emma talking. He wasn't at all concerned, they seemed to be absolutely fine with the fact that they used to be in a relationship, but that she had ended it. They were good friends, there was no reason that they couldn't talk with one another. Saren had kept his distance, so he wasn't able to hear everything that was being said. But then Emma left abruptly, looking more tense than when she'd come in to the room. That had sent off a warning to Saren that something wasn't right, so he'd rushed over to Garrus to find out what had happened.

He should have seen this coming. Garrus had been spending a lot of time with Tali lately, but Saren couldn't exactly say that the man had moved on. Emma still talked with him regularly, they had easy conversations, and if anything, she still valued his opinion over most everyone else's. It seemed like she hadn't really moved on, either. Garrus admitted that his time with Tali hadn't really been able to fill that void that had been left when Emma left him. And from what he could gather, it was only a matter of months from the breakup to when they'd come to Omega for him.

Turians, when they were in a serious relationship, tended to commit more seriously than most humans. It was often said and seen that once a turian committed to someone, there was no way that anyone else could fill that space. For Garrus, it had the potential to destroy him - Saren could say the very same. He used to think that he could never find a human that would hold any respect for him, until Emma had come to him with the proposition of redeeming himself. She understood how much his actions haunted him, and how badly he needed direction in his life at that moment. The sheer act of offering him what he desperately needed, yet allowing him to be in complete control of his destiny, was something he found to respect, and admire about Emma. It grew into affection quickly after, and the conflict within himself grew when he admitted that he might actually be in love with a human.

Emma never gave up hope that Saren was capable of returning to being a good person. Her belief in him kept him going day in and day out - he loved her because she had given him new purpose and had somehow managed to charm her way into his life. They had so much in common - he didn't doubt that for the same reasons she loved him. But now he wasn't so sure.

Garrus confessed that he still had feelings for Emma. Though it was never expressed in words, both were sure that Emma had seen the look in his eyes. And if Emma still had any feelings for Garrus, then how was Saren supposed to hold her back, keep her away from Garrus if that's who she wanted to be with? It was so agonizing that the mere thought made Saren begin to let out small cries with his subvocals. He might die if she left - he would have nothing to hold him where he was. Even the thought of _sharing_ \- a practice not uncommon among either species - was enough to make him feel lightheaded. But he supposed if he could remain with Emma in some way, it would have to be enough.

Saren was dreading this talk with Garrus. But he would have it nonetheless, because even he knew that if they could agree on some arrangement, or come to a decision, it would make Emma much happier than if the two fought over her. After all, that was the only thing the two could say mattered the most. And when Saren saw a shuttle come in, letting off a load of people, he pushed off the wall and stood up straight.

"Thanks for waiting." Garrus said as he approached.

Saren nodded, and motioned for them to go inside. Even in a crowd they could have privacy, and from the looks of the place, privacy wouldn't be very hard. The whole warehouse had been cleared, and different means of dividers had been put up for the illusion of privacy. Families were piled onto the empty shelving units at least five stories high, and while it looked like a mess, it was actually very well organized. For the time being, the two could share the same space, and were being shown to their space. As they passed, Saren couldn't help but notice how many of the families were actually groups of children. Hardly any adults were here, but it looked like the older children were holding together the younger ones. Many of those children were crying, and it made Saren somber to see that so many didn't have it as lucky as he did at such a young age. And that was putting things mildly.

After being led to the far back, where it was quieter and filled with more turians, the two closed themselves off with a mere tarp so they could talk. Each sat on the mats provided to them, silent for a while as they tried to find a starting place. Saren was the one to start it off, trying to phrase his words so that things had no chance of escalating.

"How long have you been keeping this feeling to yourself?"

"It never went away. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how much it hurts to hear when someone you care about doesn't want you around anymore." Garrus started, his voice quiet. It grew louder as he continued, taking the opportunity Saren had given him to explain everything the way he saw it. "I was pretending to be mad at her at first - I thought maybe if I could push her away she might realize how much she missed me. Not my brightest moment, but it seemed like it was working after a while. Then I realized she didn't want anything more from me than a friend to talk to. It was more than I thought I would get so I guess I was happy to go along with it."

"You didn't look too happy when she offered me help and I came aboard the Normandy." Saren pointed out.

"She took an interest in you, and I could tell that it wasn't just because she could take you to the Council and get a reward. She didn't even seem interested in that - she genuinely wanted to help you. I couldn't imagine why and so it upset me that suddenly you were taking her time that she used to spend with me." He lowered his head even more, letting out a soft whine as he spoke, "It was hard for me to see her moving on, and not taking into any consideration how much that hurt me. It wasn't even two months and you two were already best friends. I'd been replaced.

"Don't get me wrong, I warmed up to you too, after a while. But I thought I was over her for the longest time because I became so numb. And after I went to Palaven, I thought that maybe I could forget about her. Honestly, I didn't expect to ever see her again."

Saren let him be silent as he thought of something else to say. But this was turning into something Saren was hoping would never happen.

"Ever since then, I've been trying to move on, but it's like I said. She's left a void and it can't be replaced by anyone else enough for me to be happy. That's it." he shrugged and brought his knees up, wrapping his arms around them. Saren glanced to the concrete floor, sighing.

"All I've wanted since Emma started to show me even the slightest kindness was for her to be happy with the rest of her life. I'm not about to fight you over her, because what good would that do for either of us?"

"She said that was part of the reason she didn't want to be with me anymore. She said I got too... clingy."

"And maybe you've changed since then - maybe you're supposed to be with her." Saren suppressed the growl rising in his gut, "But I don't want to think about what I would have to do to be able to carry on with my life if she wasn't there beside me. Emma means so much to me, and I'm sure you can say the same. We both stayed behind to wait for her for a reason."

They were both silent. Neither would be able to say one had any more reason to be with Emma than the other. She'd helped them both rise from their own ashes as a better turian, and she'd given them compassion when others might have turned them away. She was something truly special.

"Let's get some rest. We'll see if we're allowed to see her tomorrow, and when she's feeling up to it, we can all talk about it." Saren said. Garrus nodded and they both laid down to sleep for the first time in days.


	2. Chapter 2 - Anxious

_Author's Note: Thank you to _**Ipander, Kakasi, Mousey57,** _and_** OracleSight**_for the follow and favorite, and thank you to _**NyxNight**, _and_** jimiedean**_ for the follow._

_I forgot to mention in the first chapter, but if there is anything you would like to see, no matter how silly or ridiculous it may seem, I would love to hear your ideas and find a way to incorporate them into the story. This story is not just for me, it is for you, as well. So you deserve some say in the plot! Enjoy!_

* * *

Saren woke up and his whole body felt sore. He rolled onto his back, surprised that it was relatively quiet in the shelter. He was in the shelter, wasn't he? Sitting up slowly, he confirmed that, seeing as Garrus was still asleep. Then he noticed that most of the lights were off. It must be early in the morning, then. Well, it wasn't anything new, but he sat quietly for a minute before he thought to check his omni-tool. He turned the brightness down, for his own eyes and to ensure he didn't wake Garrus, and he checked all his messages.

He'd scrolled down far enough to see the last few messages he'd sent to Emma. It wasn't really a conversation, just mindless flirting to take their minds off things for a bit. But he began to whine softly again, forcing himself to go back up in his messages before he ran over to the hospital and broke into her room. There were several from the Council - what was left of them, at least - and that got him thinking. How long had he been a Spectre exactly? What was it, 27 years now? At least if you weren't counting his death and time on Omega, along with his confinement. He decided that set him back to about 25 years. Still, that was a very long time. Maybe he should think about retiring.

He shook his head, and went through the messages in more detail.

_Saren,_

_We are all grateful for your efforts in this war, and for your loyalty to the cause. The Hierarchy has concluded that it will reinstate you into the system, if you so desire. We eagerly await your reply, but understand you have more pressing matters to attend to at this time._

He was shocked, to say the least. He'd never accepted colony markings - he didn't even recall which colony his family hailed from... But to have the Hierarchy willing to accept him was huge. Definitely worth thinking about. Each of the messages said something along the lines of the first, making him realize that if he ever did retire from the Spectres, he would rival the Councilor in power. He wasn't sure he deserved it, after everything he'd done. He wasn't a good example for any turian to follow, he'd abandoned his people - turned against them! Saren was beginning to feel sick when Garrus sat up. It was lighter in the building now.

"Are you alright?" he asked, looking concerned as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"I was just going over some messages I received while I was asleep." he muttered. "There's a lot for me to think about."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It could be." he nodded, looking back down at the dirty floor. He sighed and looked back up. "Have you heard anything from..."

"No. I'm pretty sure my message got through, though." Garrus shook his head, pulling out his own omni-tool. "It's only been two days."

"Two days..." Saren repeated, zoning out. He hadn't slept for nearly three, maybe four days, then. But his worry for Emma was forcing him to stay awake. He had to see her today, even if she was still asleep. The soft whining started again. Garrus looked over, sharing his worries with Saren. After a while, they'd decided to find something to eat, knowing it was likely going to be rations. At least they weren't disappointed when they received them, and both ate in silence as they began making their way over to the hospital. Several shuttles were coming in and out from the hospital, making it seem busier than it had been yesterday.

"Mr. Arterius..." a young woman called out. He followed the sound of the voice, surprised it was one of the nurses. Regardless he walked over. "How are you this morning?"

"I'm alright." he shrugged, not in the mood to talk.

"I've been instructed by Admiral Hackett to show you to Miss Shepard's room." the woman turned, assuming he would follow. Of course she'd assumed correctly, though not after he paused to look at Garrus.

"I can wait."

"Nonsense, you've waited long enough, too." Saren put his hand on his shoulder, and both went to the very end of the building. The silence didn't sit well with him, but when they walked past the open window, he nearly shoved past everyone to get into the room. The only thing holding him back was what the nurse began saying.

"She's been cleared for visitors, but I must insist that she get some rest. She's being prepped for some major surgery over the next several weeks."

"What for, exactly?" Saren turned, being sure to keep his voice low, and as polite as he could manage.

"She'll first have to undergo surgery for her burns, and to remove the fused armor on her skin. They've already begun preparing the skin grafts. Once that is complete, they'll begin a series of operations on her knee and spine, separately." the nurse nodded, gazing over at her. "Last night, they removed several bullets from her abdomen, so she may wake up with the anesthetic still in her system."

"Do you know what happened to her spine?" he was confused. She'd said nothing hurt.

"It's nothing major. She has a few bruised vertebrae, and some bulging discs. The doctors also noticed that her spine isn't straight, so they determined that they might as well fix it while she's here. And judging by the amount of cybernetics they found, they don't believe her recovery will be nearly as long as some others. She'd already begun healing most of her internal injuries by the time she was brought here."

Saren nodded, muttering a thank you as the nurse left. That was a lot to take in, but she would be okay. None of these procedures were life threatening if done correctly, and right now, the best doctors were assigned to every single one of her operations. He stood outside the door, debating whether or not he should go in. She was asleep, and looked at peace for the first time in a long time.

"I can wait out here for a few minutes, if you'd like." Garrus offered with a small nudge. He appreciated it, and entered the room, hit with the smell of sterility. It stung for a few seconds, but soon he was welcomed by the faint scent of Emma. Even with all her burned skin, he could pick out the faint scent of her perfume that she wore.

He stood next to her, looking over her as she lay in the bed. Dozens of machines were hooked up to her, and while she had always been on the paler side, she looked sickly. The tubes running through her body did nothing to help her appearance. Cautiously, he leaned over and brushed the back of his talon against her cheek. He smiled when she turned her head slightly toward his hand, and her heart monitor showed a tiny increase in her heartbeat. She knew he was there and that was enough to make him sit down, just to watch her for a while. His purr sounded thunderous, despite how quiet it was in the room. After a few minutes, Saren heard Garrus enter. He moved to sit next to Saren, silent.

They didn't speak for a good hour, both watching her, occasionally Garrus pulled up his omni-tool. A few times, the nurse came back to check on her, not speaking to either. It was comfortable. It was in the early afternoon when Emma started stirring, and Saren did his best to stay seated.

"Thought I heard someone purring." she smiled, when her eyes opened, landing on Saren's. Her voice was still rough, and he stood up to lean over and nuzzle her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Really out of it." she reached up and put a hand on his mandible. "Do you want to get me a cup of water?" she then asked.

"Sure." he said, moving so that she could greet Garrus as well. He tried not to feel jealous when he saw Emma greeting Garrus the same way, but he really didn't have any right to speak up. She _was_ feeling 'out of it', so maybe she was just feeling really friendly. While Garrus helped her sit up comfortably, Saren came back with the cup of water. She downed it fast, but sighed, smiling. At least for a moment.

"How come you two are the only ones here?" her voice was back to it's usual sound, though she was lining it heavily with concern.

"We... Can't get in contact with the Normandy. No one can. That blast of energy wiped out a few relays, and almost fried the comm buoys." Garrus said quietly, since he knew more of what was going on. "I'm sure you can guess which they started working on first." he chuckled. That earned a smile, and a solemn nod.

"You'd better tell me as soon as possible when you hear back from them." she poked Garrus' arm, and then turned her head to look at Saren, who was on the other side of the bed now. "Are you alright?"

"I still need to catch up on some sleep, but I'll be fine." he smiled, reaching for her hand.

"Are you sure? You look like something's bothering you."

"It's nothing."

"If you say so." she gave his hand a gentle squeeze and sighed, closing her eyes. Saren met Garrus' gaze. The silent question he raised made Saren sigh heavily, and he eventually gave a curt nod.

"Emma... Can we talk?" Garrus asked, sounding like an adolescent with his tone. Though Saren doubted he could have sounded any more mature given the delicacy of the situation. She nodded, eyes still closed. "It's about... What happened before we got to the beam."

"Saren, could you-"

"I think he should be here, actually." Garrus cut her off, reaching to take her other hand, which made her eyes open with confusion.

"... Alright." she said hesitantly. "Go on."

"I can't keep pretending that I don't still have feelings for you." Garrus nearly mumbled. His voice was so quiet he worried if Emma could hear him. She gently slid her hand from Saren's, reaching over to put it over his.

"Are you telling me that you've been lying to me this whole time about being... fine with what happened?"

"It's still tearing me apart." he met her gaze, and Saren suddenly felt that maybe he should leave. "But... you seem so much happier with Saren. And I'd rather you be happy, even if you don't want that sort of relationship with me."

And then there was silence, as she understood why he was talking - why Garrus wanted Saren in the room. She looked up to him for something.

"We've talked about this." Saren said, sitting next to her on the bed. He brought his hand to her face, being sure to meet her eyes, "All we want is for you to be happy. So... Whatever that means-"

"Saren, just shut up for a second." Emma said forcefully. He paused, and then sighed as his hand fell, looking at the floor as he listened to her. "Garrus... I'm glad that you're not going to hide from me anymore. Really. But I don't feel the same way."

Saren could hear the subharmonics crying out already, and it made him lock his jaw with shut eyes. It was a gut-wrenching pain.

"I'm not saying I don't still _care_ about you. I'm always going to be here if you need a friend. But..." Emma sighed, "That's all I feel towards you. And I'm really sorry that it has to be this way."

"I..." Garrus had trouble speaking, and Saren glanced back, expressing his own regret. Emma had been... Well, a little harsh. But as long as she knew that's what she wanted, he was sure Garrus could at least let go of the matter. "If you're sure." he finally managed, standing. "I need to go." he left the room abruptly.

Emma started to shake and Saren put his hand on her shoulder, not sure if she wanted him here, or not. When she leaned into him he didn't hesitate to put both arms around her as she started crying softly. She was only human, and he knew that she was always going to be the one who was more emotional. It didn't mean that Saren didn't hurt to see her like this. He'd seen her cry before, but this bout lasted for a good hour. After ten minutes Saren had shifted so that he was sitting on the bed with her in his lap. And when she had calmed down enough, the nurse came back in, a little surprised to see what was going on.

"Is everything alright?" she ventured to ask. Saren looked down at Emma, who closed her eyes and pressed into him.

"She just got a little upset."

"I understand. I also came to let you know that visiting hours end in about half an hour."

"Thank you." he nodded, glad to see she left. He nuzzled the top of Emma's head, purring quietly since that always seemed to calm her down faster. They were silent for another five minutes.

"Will you talk to him? Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid?" she squeaked out.

"I'll talk with him. I mean... I don't know that he'll want to talk to me, but I can definitely try."

"Thanks." she smiled, nuzzling into him. He was about to move when she put her hand on his chest. "I just... Can't imagine doing anything without you, anymore."

That made Saren pause for many reasons. It echoed his own thoughts about her, not to mention she felt like she had to explain to him why she'd... picked him over Garrus. It wasn't necessary in his mind, but maybe she did feel a little bad about having to shut down Garrus like that.

"You should get some rest, Emma." Saren eventually moved, laying her back down with a kiss on her forehead.

"Can you see if you can't contact my mom, too?"

"If I do, I'll make sure she knows you're okay. And I'll even bring her with me tomorrow if I can." he pressed his forehead to hers, rumbling softly as he got another whiff of her perfume.

"Thank you." she kissed his nose, and smiled as she closed her eyes. He watched her for another minute before deciding to leave the hospital. It was still light out and he didn't know what to do with himself at the moment.

He decided to take a break and just sit down somewhere quiet to think. He couldn't see anywhere, but he got an idea. Heading towards one of the burned out buildings, he carefully navigated his way up to the 5th floor, and found a spot to sit down at. The horizon was before him, and he was able to watch everything below him. It was silent up here, and Saren closed his eyes, letting his mind wander.

What were he and Emma going to do, now? They didn't have anymore Reapers to fight, Cerberus was done with... There was peace in the galaxy for once. They were effectively useless now, and Saren could, for once, be okay with doing nothing. But surely, there was something they could do? He knew that they would eventually have to either hand over the Normandy to another officer, or it would be decommissioned and set aside as a monument, a stand-alone museum. Saren chuckled, thinking about the Normandy as a museum. It would definitely be different to see different people and families milling about inside the Normandy, reading up on all the different adventures it had been on, and all the crew... Would he be on there?

Shaking his head, Saren pushed that thought out of his mind. He'd have to figure something out while Emma recovered, she shouldn't have to worry about it. Then something came to mind, just as he happened to catch the time on his omni-tool. Saren stood up, and made his way back down to the rubble-littered ground.


	3. Chapter 3 - Lost

_Author's Note: Thank you to_ **DemonaraX **_for the follow and favorite, and _**liara34300**_ for the favorite.__ I would just like to point out that I am making up basically everything about Saren's past. I've done research to try and tie some of it together, but I only found so much. If you don't like it, then that sucks._

* * *

Saren was looking everywhere he could for Garrus. He'd given the man four hours to himself before he went to actively look himself. He wasn't at the warehouse, he wasn't at the command center, and there weren't many other places to be. In truth, Saren was getting a little worried. The war might be over, but he knew that there were already gangs starting up again, preying on the unfortunate. Garrus could handle himself, but only so much. He didn't know how far was too far to go in looking for Garrus.

[Msg: Garrus, I understand you may not want to talk right now. But for my sake, please tell me where you are.]

He had been waiting outside the warehouse for a while. An hour, in fact. It was dark - enough so that he could make out the stars, and major constellations, which he assumed wasn't something that could be said just a few months ago. A few days ago, even.

[Sender: Garrus V.]  
[Msg: I'm heading back to the warehouse now. Just needed time to think.]

Saren actually sighed with relief.

[Msg: If you want to talk about it...]

He wasn't sure what else to say. Sorry didn't seem very appropriate, but neither did telling him that he'd be fine. So he left the message as it was and sent it.

[Sender: Garrus V.]  
[Msg: I'll keep that in mind.]

At least he was heading back and Saren could keep an eye on him. Hopefully Garrus wasn't as serious as he thought he'd been, and this rejection wouldn't hit him too hard. It was a vain hope, but Saren could hope that his friend would be alright. It wasn't more than fifteen minutes later that Saren could make out Garrus' figure coming from the rubble. His shoulders hung low, his feet were shuffling, and his head was bowed. When he was close enough, Saren could hear the soft cries from his subvocals.

Silently, the two walked in, and made their way to the back where their temporary home was. They walked with the same step, and both looked around. Garrus slowed down a bit, and stopped a few yards away from Saren. He stopped and turned to see that a group of children had caught Garrus' attention. Or rather, a young turian boy, who looked barely old enough to be walking on his own. Saren watched as Garrus bent down to talk to the boy, the older siblings just watching in silence. He'd always imagined that Garrus would be one to have a soft spot for children. He did have a younger sister, so it made sense in a way. He'd have to ask about his family - see how they were doing. That might help Garrus. After a minute, Saren turned to keep walking back to the living space, knowing that Garrus would come when he was ready.

Saren scrolled through new messages he'd received on his omni-tool during the day, in the mean time. More from the Heirarchy, a few from the Council (or more likely their attendants), more than a dozen from the Alliance. And one that was unmarked.

[Sender: UNKNOWN]  
[Msg: Mr. Arterius,  
It has come to our attention that you are currently in a position to become a new Primarch, along with several other prestigious positions. We would like to speak to you about the potential of becoming a partner with us. The invitation is extended to your re-affirmed mate, as well. If you are interested in hearing the offer, please reply to this message as promptly as possible so that we may set up a meeting.]

Saren could only think of one thing, and that thought made him incredibly wary: Cerberus. At least, that's who this group reminded him of. Why would Cerberus extend a hand to a turian - a turian who had given more than enough reason to never affiliate with him? On top of that, who was already thinking ahead during rebuilding efforts? Saren didn't doubt that things would return to normal as soon as the Citadel was opened up; crime would be on the rise again, politics would become cutthroat, and he would be off chasing down smugglers so that the galaxy would be safe again. It was an interesting offer, but Saren had many reasons not to trust this. He would have to talk with Emma.

Garrus came back with two bowls of rations, handing one to Saren. He'd almost forgotten.

"Thank you." he nodded as he took the bowl from Garrus, watching him sit as he closed his omni-tool.

"I'll be fine, Saren. I'm not about to throw my life away now that I'm positive I'll be able to have one again." he grumbled as he began eating.

"I'm concerned, is all." Saren shrugged, and ate in silence for some time. "Have you heard from your family?"

"I haven't tried, yet. I've been more concerned with the Normandy."

"You should try contacting your family tomorrow."

"Yeah." Saren thought that was going to be it from him, but then Garrus started talking with a little more interest. "I bet dad's going to ask a million questions about how I'm here, and not on the Normandy, and where I've been for the past 3 years..." he chuckled a little, "nevermind my sister."

"I don't think I've heard you talk much about your family." Saren said, rather curious.

"I haven't talked to them much, recently. I mean, after I quit C-Sec, my dad didn't want to talk to me very much, but I kept in contact with my mom and sister regularly enough. And when I dropped off the grid entirely, I just... forgot, I suppose. You know?" Saren nodded, pretending like he did know what it was like to just forget to contact family. "I called my dad right before Emma showed up, again... He said we could talk when I got back. I never really did go back, except for right before the war, when I was busy trying to get strings pulled. At least dad listened to me, then."

"Why don't you get along well with your dad?"

"We used to get along fine, actually. Butting heads every now and then was just for fun, and it never grew into a problem until I started getting higher up in C-Sec. It probably stemmed from all the complaining I did about the restrictions that he loved. Said that restrictions were there for a reason. To me, they were only there to make me get creative and dodge them entirely. And that only got me into more trouble." he paused, shrugging as he stared into his bowl. "I guess it just started building up once I started seeing how much I didn't want to be like my dad. It probably hurt him more when I actually said it, when I left C-Sec."

"My dad got the same way when I told him I was being considered as a candidate for the Spectres." Saren smiled fondly at the memory. He'd never been fond of his own father, for many reasons. "He told me that if I became a Spectre, then I might as well forget about ever coming home again to visit."

"Forgive me, but it's actually really hard for me to imagine your family."

"I was lucky to be handed down the worst genes possible in my family, as the youngest member of it." he shrugged, "No distinguishable color in my carapace, my mandibles never fully developed due to the lack of muscle growth, same thing with my left arm, actually, and on top of that, I started going blind at the age of 5." He sighed. "I was an outcast at birth. Of course I always had my mother's love, but... She had her limits, too."

"And your brother?" Garrus had never sounded so concerned.

Saren closed his eyes for a moment. It still hurt to talk about Desolas, but he could try. These were better memories.

"Desolas always encouraged me to do things I didn't think I could with all my disabilities. He would help through physical therapy at home, he stuck up for me at school on a couple of occasions. He got beat up for me a lot, actually. Because my carapace is essentially colorless, when I joined the military, they didn't know if I could take that tattoos, or not. So I got branded as a bareface for the wrong reasons, and because Desolas stood up for me, they started calling him one, too." Saren's voice grew quieter, "Wasn't until I joined the military that I started realizing how much he'd sheltered me from others' emotions. I had to be unforgiving to take everything that was thrown at me. I gained that reputation because I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't about to cower down because of something I had no choice in."

"Wish I could have met him." Garrus said quietly. Saren smirked a little.

"Oh, he wouldn't have liked you." Before Garrus could inquire, Saren started again, "Desolas once went off on a teacher for suggesting that there were no good military leaders in history, only blind idiots who followed them and carried out the work."

"Let me guess, he defended the blind idiots?" Garrus chirped a little with laughter.

"Not only that, he requested that the supervisor have him fired for even suggesting such a thing in a history class." Saren added, laughing as well for a while. It trailed off and there was silence again for some time. Not long after Garrus was starting to fall asleep - it'd been a very long day already. Saren told him to rest while he went outside to get a little fresh air, and to see if he couldn't contact Emma's mother.

[Msg: If you haven't heard already, we found Emma. She's alive and in the hospital right now, and there is no reason to worry about her. You can come by and see her any time you are available.]

The message was sent, and he waited ten minutes before he got a response.

[Sender: Hannah S.  
Msg: Thank you. I should be able to come by tomorrow.]

He sent out a quick message, telling her when he'd be at the hospital tomorrow, before he turned to walk inside, feeling tired enough to try to sleep. It was odd not having to push himself to his breaking point before earning some rest. He didn't feel tired, but he knew his body was. As he walked back inside, the lights were beginning to dim, and it was considerably quieter. He took his time to walk back, and eventually settled in on his mat to sleep. He could only think of one thing until his mind forced him to sleep.

Saren wanted a bed.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Saren asked one last time.

"Yeah. Victus called me, said he wanted me to help with some issues he was having." Garrus nodded. "If I have time, I'll stop by later. But this is more important right now."

Saren nodded, and turned to let Garrus go off to wherever he was going, as he headed back to the hospital. There were many people leaving the warehouse to go to the hospital today, and Saren couldn't help but notice that there was a large group of children waiting in the lobby. After noticing that, he saw a familiar woman standing near the reception desk. She turned when one of the staff members nudged her, and she spun around to greet him.

"Hello, Hannah." Saren smiled. He hadn't expected her to throw her arms around him as she did, and it felt strange. He put one arm around her.

"I can't thank you enough for finding her." she said quietly. He could feel her shaking and he waited until she'd gathered herself and was upright again before motioning for them to walk.

"She's been worried about you." he said quietly, before they rounded the corner to the room.

"I can't tell you how worried I've been about her. We haven't heard anything from anyone and it's been a few days, now." Hannah shook her head with a heavy sigh. "She'll be okay, though?"

"After her surgeries, she'll be fine. Might not be able to run around as much, but I don't think I want her to after all she's been through..." Saren said, pausing so that they could look through the window.

Emma was still asleep, the curtains on the window blocking out most of the light, making the room dark. She had one arm resting across her stomach, and her chest was rising and falling without complication. Some of the machines that were in the room yesterday were gone, now, and that brought relief to Saren's mind. He almost wondered if she would be allowed out of the room for an hour or two. It was something to ask a nurse later.

"Aside from the bruising on her arm, you'd hardly think she was injured." Hannah said softly. Saren hummed in agreement, still looking over her. It was still hard to grasp that she was here - that he wasn't dreaming.

"She should be waking up in a few minutes, if you want to go in." he said.

"Don't you want to come in?"

"I've spent more time with her in the past few days than I'd care to admit. I should let her mother have some time, too." he smiled, and moved to open the door for Hannah as she walked in slowly, quietly, afraid of waking up Emma.

He watched through the window as she continued her slow approach towards Emma. She stopped and then went to open the curtains just a little more, before sitting down on the edge of the bed. Saren saw her lips move, and watched as Emma slowly opened her eyes. Emma's lips gave away the surprise as she gasped, and then grinned as she sat up to put her arms around her mother. A full two minutes passed and neither one moved, or spoke. Saren waited until, finally, they parted, before he entered.

"-you've been okay though?" Emma asked quietly, her eyebrows knitted together.

"I've been fine. Just a few cuts and bruises." Hannah said, running her hand over Emma's hair. "You shouldn't be worrying about me, sweetheart."

"Too bad, I'm going to anyway." Emma smiled, leaning back a little, glancing over at Saren. "Hey."

"Sleep well?" Saren purred, leaning down to nuzzle her gently before he sat in the chair beside the bed.

"Yeah. How about you?"

"I had a little trouble falling asleep, but I slept fine once I got there." he said, not making a big deal about it.

"Is Garrus alright?"

"Yeah. He went to go help Victus. He said he'd come by later if he has the time."

"What happened with Garrus?" Hannah asked, having moved to the other chair in the room. Emma looked like she was struggling to reply.

"He's just been having a hard time seeing things the way they are." Saren said calmly. A very vague truth, and Emma almost shot a glare in his direction.

"Don't lie to her." she growled instead.

"Not lying, just being truthfully vague until you can think of how you want to put it." Saren sat back, not necessarily backing down, but letting her handle this. He still wasn't sure how much Hannah knew about her relationships. Saren didn't really even know that much about them, or if she'd ever been in any before Garrus. He didn't actually know too much about her outside her career, now that he thought about it.

Emma huffed and shook her head. "Garrus... We just didn't end our last talk on a particularly good note."

"I see," Hannah said, putting her hand on Emma's forearm. "Don't worry about it. You and I both know he just needs a little time."

"Yeah. I hope that's all it is." she lowered her head, and they were all quiet as a nurse came in to check in on her, and start her preparation for her knee surgery tomorrow.

"The doctor will come see you in a few minutes to answer any questions you might have." the woman smiled, leaving promptly.

"I should probably get going. They're still making me work." Hannah said not much later after the nurse left.

"Will you come back tomorrow?" Emma asked.

"Of course. I need to make sure that you don't do something stupid when you're coming off the anesthesia." Hannah smiled, kissing her temple.

"Right." she groaned with a smirk. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Hannah left rather quickly, saying goodbye to Saren as well. He leaned forward a bit, expecting her to start fighting him over what he'd said, but she said nothing. The quiet was bothering him, and he reached over to take her hand, glad to see she smiled a little. He knew her hand always felt a little colder to him, but right now it seemed exceptionally cold right now.

"Are you cold?" he looked up at her.

"Hm... A little." she muttered after thinking for a moment, glancing back at him. He stood up, grabbing the spare blanket that was draped over the edge of her bed, and brought it around her shoulders. He heard a soft sigh escape her, and after giving her a look she smiled. "I want to get out of this room. I feel... trapped."

"I was just thinking that I should see if we can't get you out of the room. Maybe to another part of the hospital."

"I'd really like to see how some of the kids here are doing." she said quietly. "Can't imagine they're having an easy time being here, either. I heard most of them don't have any family."

"There's a lot of children at the shelter too." He paused and then leaned over on the bed a bit, "At least they'll be okay."

"Yeah, I guess there's that." she smiled, pulling her hand from his so that she could stroke over his fringe. He let out a low purr and closed his eyes. She chuckled a bit and continued to pet him. "You're like a cat, sometimes."

"A cat?" he looked up a little.

"Yeah." she smirked. "Pull up your omni-tool for me, I'll show you."

Once he had it up, she grabbed his arm, making it considerably uncomfortable for him to the point where he simply sat beside her as she pulled up pictures, and videos of the furry creatures. She explained to him more of what she was referring to, and was surprised to see that there were many turian behaviors that were shared with the cat.

"Oh, you need to see this video!" she giggled, pulling one up. He thought it was going to be a waste of time, but as he watched the creature chase a laser around on the floor, he couldn't help but laugh at the stupidity of it. When the video was over, he glanced over at Emma. "I actually started messing with Garrus one time. He was working on something, and didn't see me. I kept shining the last on his screen and he got so annoyed with it he actually started swatting at it." she broke into laughter near the end of the sentence, enough so that her words were barely coherent. Saren shook his head, letting out a chuckle at the thought.

"That's just mean."

"Who said I was a nice person?" she glanced over, grinning.

"I've never heard anyone say you were nice, really." he leaned over to nuzzle her, silencing both of them as she leaned against him.

He closed his omni-tool and put his arm around her, realizing that he was probably keeping her much warmer than the blanket he'd put around her shoulders. She took his other hand in both of hers, and began tracing patterns over his palm. Her skin was still surprisingly soft, and he wasn't sure he'd ever get used to the feeling of it. At least, he thought, she was relaxed at the moment.

"I could get used to this." he hummed, leaning back some and closing his eyes.

"What? Me in a hospital?"

"No, being with you and doing absolutely nothing because we have the time." he said, reaching over and brushing some of her hair from her face. "You can't tell me it doesn't feel nice."

"Maybe a little." she smiled. After a few minutes they heard the door open, and both looked over.

"Hi, I'm doctor Daenayra, I'll be leading the team for your operation tomorrow." the asari smiled, coming over to shake both their hands. "I've been doing every manner of knee surgery for the past 150 years, and I've only had 3 of my patients come back to me for a second surgery in that time. I came to see if I can answer any questions you might have."

"What exactly will you be doing to my knee?"

"Well, based on the scans we've done, it looks like the best option for you would be to replace the broken parts with a heavy bone weave. The total time you would be under shouldn't be more than 3 hours, though it will be necessary to keep you for a few days after to allow the weave to settle in and actually be of any use to you before you try walking."

"How many days?"

"No more than a week, and that's if the weave doesn't take right away, which is very rare. If I'm not mistaken, you've already had bone weaves put in before?"

"Yes, I have. They never took more than two days to be of use, but that was for minor fractures in my arms."

"At any rate, that's a good sign. Your body has already had experience adapting to weaves, and hasn't had many complications. A day or two after the surgery, we'll get you over to the rehab center, and make sure that the weave can take your body weight. If you can take at least 20% of your body weight, we'll be allowed to clear you, with crutches. Any less and we have to wait until you reach that goal."

"Alright." Emma paused, sighing, "So how much stress do you expect I'll be able to put on it once it is fully healed?"

"Unless you're willing to go through about a year of rehab strengthening your knee, you likely won't be taken back into active duty by the Alliance. Though as I understand, your duties as a Spectre shouldn't be hindered if you're being careful. That's to say that I wouldn't recommend you stand up for more than 10 hours in a given day, or push yourself to your breaking point with your knee." Daenayra looked like she genuinely felt sorry having to explain this. And Saren watched as Emma nodded, and her face fell.

"Thank you... I don't think I have any more questions." she glanced over to Saren.

"I'm just here to get her home when she's ready." he said, shrugging.

"Well, if you do have any more questions, I'll be back first thing tomorrow to help with the final prep." the asari smiled one last time before turning to leave the room.

He heard Emma take in a sharp breath as she turned into him, covering her face. Instinctually, his arms wrapped tightly around her body.

"It's alright." he said softly, feeling her shake in his arms.

He was lying. He knew how much she loved running and being on her feet. It was why she felt trapped in this room, and why she'd been such a good soldier. The worst part was that he knew she knew he was lying. Unless she accepted a desk job, her career was coming to a close, and she was not ready for that stage of her life. She had too much fight left in her.

"You still have the Spectres. I know it's not as steady, but it's there. You get to pick and choose what you want to do. It'll be better for you." he offered. She shook her head.

"I'm dead. I can't work a desk job, and I can't run free like I used to." she sputtered out, though her words were slightly muffled by his shirt.

"It's just something that you'll have to adjust to. In a year or two you won't even notice a difference." Saren pulled her back to look her in the eye. "You don't have to go fight off Reapers, or Collectors anymore... there will always be people that need protecting, but it'll be calmer, now. You can afford to ease off a little - you'll have to."

"I could live with there being nothing to do. But knowing that there is _something_ out there that I can't do, that's what makes this all terrible, Saren."

They were quiet and she rested her head on his shoulder, eyes closed. He thought hard for the longest time for something to say. The light from the window moved across the bed entirely and neither had really moved in that time.

"This is a new stage in your life, love. It'll take some adjusting, and it's going to be hard, but I'll be here for you."

"I've never doubted that you'd be here for me."


	4. Chapter 4 - Small Steps

_Author's Note: Sorry about the long delay. I've been struggling with writing this story lately, and I just came back from a week long vacation in hell. (It was actually Washington D.C. but what's the difference?) Not to mention I've been having computer issues, since my laptop went kaput. But I'm back now, and I hope that the time away has made this easier for me to write! This chapter is going to switch perspectives a few times, and is going to be shorter, due to wanting to move things along. I can't be the only one sick of this hospital already._

_Thank you, _**KassFarewel**_ for the follow and favorite!_

* * *

She didn't want to see him leave, but he couldn't really stay overnight. She had surgery the next day, and she needed all the rest she could get. As the lights were turned off in her room, she looked down at herself. She was completely broken. She would never be able to work int he field for the Alliance again, and while she was glad to be away from all the assignments, Emma knew she would miss it.

It had to happen eventually. She couldn't stay young forever. But not this soon.

Fortunately, she wasn't awake for very long to dwell on the matter. As she slept, she dreamt of being out of the hospital, lying lazily in bed with Saren all day in the sun. She couldn't wait to be out of this damn hospital, but she was also scared. What would she do? Emma could only do so much, now. And what about Saren? What if he had to go out on assignments for the Council, and she couldn't tag along? All her fears were started to cloud her mind, and suddenly Saren was gone from the bed. She was alone, and the walls were closing in on her.

She woke up panting as she threw herself into a sitting position, a nurse just coming into the room.

"Are you alright?"

"Just a nightmare..." she panted, nodding, "I'll be fine in a minute."

"If you say so." the nurse said, leaving the room.

Emma ran her hands through her hair, reaching for her omni-tool. It was late but she couldn't just sit in this room alone and cry. She waited a few minutes while the call connected.

"Emma?" he sounded too alert to have been sleeping, but his voice sounded tired.

"I need someone to talk to." she said quietly, pulling her good knee up to her chest in the bed.

"Do you want me to come over?"

She paused.

"Yeah."

"I'll be there in five minutes."

The call ended, and she pressed her forehead to her knee, rocking gently as she began to cry quietly, waiting.

* * *

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah... Emma just wants me to go over." he said, standing up.

"Think you could let her know I'll be gone, then?"

"I can do that. Take care." he reached over to place a hand on Garrus' shoulder before he walked out, briskly.

It took him a little over five minutes to actually get there, and he had to pull his rank over several people to get to her room, since visiting hours ended nearly five hours ago. He nearly broke when he saw her curled up in a tiny ball. Humans showed their emotions in strange ways, he would never get over that fact. He would also never get over how hard it was on him to see her so... Not herself. This was clearly more than just needing someone to talk to. The way he figured, it was probably a nightmare of some kind. Saren walked over quietly.

"Hey." he said quietly as he put his arm across her back. She looked up quickly, and let out a heavy sigh, leaning against him as he sat down.

"I'm a mess." she mumbled.

"I'm not going to argue that." he said, nuzzling her gently, waiting for her to say something back. "What's on your mind?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"What am I going to do after this, Saren?" she shrugged. "I'm useless, now."

"You're not useless." he reached over with his other hand, gently pulling her chin to look at him. "You might not be in your best shape after this, but that's something you'd have to deal with eventually."

"You don't understand how much I love being out on the field, though." she whispered with closed eyes. "I know what to do, and everything is always defined for me. And now, that's taken away from me... I... I don't know where to go now."

Saren sighed, gently pushing her so that he could lay next to her. It took a couple minutes of adjusting so they could be comfortable in the tiny space, but they made it work. She had her head tucked under his, body molding around his as she pressed into him for warmth. Damn hospitals could never figure out that heat wasn't a bad thing. Her arms were wrapped around him tightly, and he couldn't help but bring his hand over to run his fingers through her hair. It had been washed earlier, and smelled very medicinal, but she looked much healthier with washed hair. He saw her eyes close.

"Are you worried that you won't know how to cope with living in a galaxy without war?"

"... Yeah." she sounded like she hadn't thought about it like that. He chuckled lightly, aware of how silent it was in the hospital. "What?"

"I hate to say this, but... The galaxy won't be at peace for very long. Sure, things will be a little better... But things will fall back into place. There will be mercenaries to shoot down, smugglers to catch... There will be plenty for you to do after this if you just let yourself rest a little."

"Not very cheerful, are you?" she smiled, resting her hand on his mandible as she looked up at him. He flicked it against her soft skin, purring as he nuzzled her more.

"I'm working on it." she gave a soft hum and settled back against him. He pressed his face to her scalp, closing his eyes. Faintly, through all the sterility, he could smell her, and it brought out a low rumble as his protective instincts began to bubble up inside him again. He must have realized at the same time she did that there was something that had been missing between them, because they both regarded one another. Her arms grew tighter, and he was suddenly holding her tight as well, shaking of all things as they embraced.

"Saren?" he heard her muffled voice.

"Hm?"

"Will you stay with me?"

"I'm not letting you go until the doctor comes in." he said, brushing his mandibles over her head, leaving his scent on her. He'd nearly lost her because he let her go on good faith. He wasn't going to make that mistake a second time. He watched as she slept for a bit, before he too fell asleep. With his face so close to her hair, he was glad that the scent brought restful sleep to him, for the first time in a couple of weeks.

When he woke up, though he hadn't had a full night's rest, he felt better. Emma was still snoring softly as he looked down, and he couldn't help but nuzzle her, purring happily, knowing that she was asleep, and very safe. In the dark, he browsed through his omni-tool, re-reading several messages.

His mind was still wondering who had sent him the mysterious message, offering work. He didn't want to take it - Emma was going to get better and they didn't have to run around all the time. He was sure that she just needed time to settle down, and adjust to a calmer life. After that she would be fine, wouldn't she? Shaking his head, he sent a reply, declining the offer. He already had enough options to choose from, and he needed to choose soon.

It wasn't much longer before Emma woke up, seeming a little confused that he was there, at first. But then he saw the smile spread on her face before she buried her face in his chest, humming happily. He closed his omni-tool and placed his hand on her head, running his talons through it. She looked up at him again, and grinned.

"I forgot I asked you to stay here last night."

"It's a good thing you did ask. I finally got some sleep." he purred, helping her sit up. "Did you sleep alright?"

She nodded, and they both sat quietly cuddling one another. At least until Saren's omni-tool pinged quietly. He glanced over, and saw it was a repeat of a message he'd looked at only a shot while ago. He shook his head, and left it.

"You should look at that."

"I saw it earlier, before you woke up. It's just a duplicate."

"What's it say?" she had calmly reached over, and taken his hand, tracing her fingers over his palm. She seemed to enjoy doing this, so he never objected. It felt strangely nice.

"The hierarchy wants to make me either Primarch, or an ambassador. It's... up to me." he glanced down at her, and she seemed very impressed.

"That's... definitely something to consider." then her smile came back. "Are either of those appealing to you?"

"Not particularly. But I suppose it's much more stable than being a Spectre. Not to mention I know there will always be something to do." Saren could feel her gaze intensifying, and so he met it, "I'd much rather be able to spend time with you, now that we don't have to be running around saving everyone. So if that means I sit behind a desk, then I will sit behind a desk."

"You don't have to-"

"But if I want to?" he flicked his mandible in a smile, watching as she searched for a clever comeback. She sighed and shook her head.

"Then you'd better not complain to me, if it's what you want."

He was about to nuzzle her, when the nurse came in.

"Oh, good. You're awake. How are you feeling this morning?" he asked.

"Better than I did yesterday." she smiled. Saren slipped of the bed, not realizing until he stood how much his legs had been aching to move. He couldn't imagine how Emma was coping with being still all this time. The moment she could walk, he didn't doubt she'd be working it, making sure it was back to full strength again - or as damn near to it as she could get. He was sure it would never be the same, but at least she'd be able to move on her own. He'd zoned out during the conversation between the two, discussing her surgery. He didn't need to be bothered with details - he just needed to know that she'd be alright.

He wanted to take her away from the hospital. But the truth was that he had no idea where they would go. The Citadel was still deemed unsafe, there were hardly any proper living spaces still standing in the area. They'd have to search for something suitable.

"Saren!" he snapped back when Emma yelled his name. She chuckled. "A little lost in thought there?"

"You could say that." he smiled, and walked back over. "I should probably just go sit in the lobby. I have a lot on my mind." He was stepping back to leave, but she took his hand in her hers - in a death grip.

"Talk to me, then. Or... keep me company, until they decide to dope me."

"We've already started doping you." the nurse smirked before leaving. Emma rolled her eyes, muttering something he couldn't make out.

"What was that?" he smiled.

"They must be pumping me with a lot of it if they started it now. Surgery won't be for another hour and a half."

"I think I'm going to want to keep my omni-tool out when you come out of surgery." he chuckled, before nuzzling her.

"Are you going to grab my mom and Garrus on the way back in here?" she asked. He gave pause to that question.

"I can see if your mother can't come. But I know for a fact Garrus will be... Unavailable."

"What do you mean?" she frowned.

"He was asked by Victus to take a small team up to the Citadel, see if it's safe near in the key areas. He said it wouldn't be more than a week at most."

She nodded with a heavy sigh. "I just hope he comes back alright..."

_\- 9 Hours Later -_

Saren and Hannah were sitting on either side of Emma, grinning and laughing. Emma was definitely not in the right state of mind coming off her meds, and because of it she was rambling on about some nonsense that was absolutely essential for them to hear. All the two could hear from her, however, was a dream she'd had while she was passed out. Sure enough, Saren had pulled out his omni-tool, recording the whole thing so she could see it later. She'd get a kick out of seeing herself like this.

"But _then_ the salarian told me not to touch it. But I _had_ to touch it. It was essential to the mission!" Emma said dramatically, still trying to sit up but falling back onto the bed. Hannah shook her head.

"I'm sure it was, sweetheart." she smoothed back Emma's hair, looking at the clock on the wall with a sigh. "I should get going." she said softly to Saren.

"I'll keep an eye on her." he hummed with a nod.

"Saren, your eyes are reeeeeeeally blue... It's creepy." Emma said, snapping out of her story.

"I never noticed." he smiled, distracting her while her mother was sneaking out the door. "Why does it bother you?"

"They remind me of... of..." her eyebrows knit together, and her eyes shut. "I know 'is name. It... Hmmm... I can't remember."

"Is there anything special about this person that I might know about?"

"We blew up his base!" she suddenly exclaimed, smiling. Then she started laughing. "That was so much fun..." the exploding noises she made were not at all realistic, but Saren laughed with her, enjoying it. She was so care-free right now. So much different than he'd seen her in the past few months. He turned off his omni-tool, now, and leaned over to nuzzle her gently. She yawned and leaned towards him.

"Are you feeling tired, love?" he wasn't sure he'd ever referred to her with anything other than her name, before. But it had come out, and it wasn't like she was going to be bothered by it right now.

"A little." she said, fidgeting to get comfortable with her knee in a cast. It was supposed to be propped up on a pillow, but she'd kicked it away. "Are you going to leave, soon?"

"I won't leave." he said as he stood up to grab the pillow, putting it under her knee to take some stress off of the joint. He would leave, after she fell asleep. But he'd come back before she woke up tomorrow. She smiled, and before the next hour was up, she was in a deep sleep - just what she needed.

* * *

Emma remembered falling asleep before surgery, and she could vaguely remember talking with her mother and Saren afterwards. She couldn't remember about what, but she knew she'd talked. But this time when she woke up, her whole body was aching - as if she'd gotten pummeled by a Krogan. At least it was still relatively dark in the room, when she opened her eyes. There was a soft orange glow in the corner beside her, and she smiled over at Saren.

"Did you even sleep?" she asked quietly. His eyes snapped up from his omni-tool and she could see the smile on his face as he moved closer to her. His plates felt odd against her forehead today.

"I slept plenty. How are you feeling?" She could just make out his shape in the dark. Though his eyes were shimmering in what little light there was. She couldn't resist the shudder that ran through her body.

"I feel fine. Or I will, in a bit." she smiled. "Just the after effects of whatever they put in me." she paused, looking down at her leg. "Doesn't really hurt, either. I guess that's good."

"Did it hurt before?" he asked, voice growing softer. Talking with Saren in the dark was interesting. She couldn't read his expression, so she had to listen to his voice more carefully to pick up on any emotion, or inflection. And he didn't always speak with much of either of those. So judging on what she knew, and the way his voice sounded, he was genuinely concerned she hadn't said anything before.

"It was just a dull ache that I could push to the back of my mind. Nothing that some aspirin couldn't take care of." she glanced over, and reached up for his face. She couldn't see his eyes very well, so the only thing she could go off was the faint outline of his head. Her hand made contact with the tip of his mandible, and she was glad that she'd gotten that right. Her fingers grazed along his jaw until she found his cheek, resting her whole hand against his face.

It was silent, and she could hear things going on outside the room, but it didn't matter. Saren moved to lay beside her again, wrapping both arms around her and being careful of her leg. Emma's eyes shut, and for the longest time, neither of them moved. No one came in to disturb them. Hour after hour, she expected someone to come in to check on her. Saren eventually did move, only to open up the curtains in the room to shine some light in, but then he was right back beside her, holding her close.

She drifted in and out of sleep all day, and Saren did the same. There were a few times that he'd fallen asleep while she was awake, and she took those opportunities to run a finger along his face where she imagined tattoos being. She wondered if he would ever think about getting tattoos on his face, now that he was being looked to as a figure. She wondered what color they would be if he did, or from what colony. Then she laughed at herself quietly - it wasn't in Saren's nature. No matter how much pressure might be put on him to do something like wear tattoos, he would never do it. She imagined him saying something like, _I've lived this long without them, a few more years won't hurt anyone._

Emma hummed softly in amusement when one of his mandibles moved, just after her finger had trailed down it. She repeated this action a few more times with the same response, before she rested her head on top of his. She could get used to laying with him like this. Not necessarily in a hospital, but to just be with him... It was all she could think to ask for.

IT must have been the next day when she woke up again, because there was a group of doctors and nurses who were checking her, glad to see she was awake and in less pain. They had her perform a series of easy tests to see how the replacement was working out. So far so good. They let her rest, and told her that she'd have to try to put some weight on it later in the day. Her look at Saren must have given everything away, because he simply laughed.

"Emma, it's fine. I'm sure you'll get to go home in a few days. Just play nice." he'd leaned over to nuzzle her.

"My body's been through a lot, Saren. What if it decides it's better to give up, now that I'm effectively done having a life?" she was sitting with her feet hanging off the edge of her bed, swinging her legs. The motion was a relief to her.

"You? Give up?" Saren seemed to laugh harder as he sat down beside her. "Love, you'll be fine. In a few months I'm sure you won't even notice a difference."

She felt herself stiffen a bit, and she knew he'd noticed that. His hand was on her back.

"What is it?"

"You've... never called me anything other than my name before." she said, glancing over. They were silent for a moment.

"Is that okay?"

"It's just different." she smiled. "I don't mind, per say, I think it just might take a little getting used to."


	5. Chapter 5 - Rainy Day

_Author's Note: Thank you _**Stevelft **_and _**Fnorpan**_ for the follow and_ **TakyMason**_ for the favorite, and _**MethodicEarth**_ for both_! _I just want to say that I'm so sorry about the delay in the chapters. I've been incredibly busy as you can imagine. I'm also taking liberty with the advances in medical technology in this chapter, so if you don't like it then... oh well. It's done. I'm trying to move things forward a_ little _in this chapter_._ Finally._

_From Saren's perspective._

* * *

Emma still had to get her spine fixed up. She had several options, though. Either she could get surgery, and have steel rods put in, or she could try a newer procedure that was relatively non-invasive, and she wouldn't have to be put under for it. Though, she would be put on some heavy numbing agents. She was sitting there not knowing which she would prefer, because she simply wanted to be out of the damn hospital. So as Saren asked questions, she began to see that she didn't want to have something that would limit her mobility any further. She decided on the non-invasive, which could be done tomorrow, and she would only need to be careful about doing any extraneous activity for the next week or so. It was doable.

The previous couple of days were spent strengthening her knee muscles through various exercises, some of which Saren was glad he could help with. She could tell just by the way he held himself around her. And being able to walk to and from bed - even if she needed help - felt great. Emma was finally getting her strength back, and she honestly couldn't tell that she'd had surgery on her knee, other than the rapidly fading sutures and lack of pain. And while it was advised she be mindful that her knee wouldn't necessarily be as strong, she was confident that she could go back to active duty after being cleared. Things were looking up for her.

The day of her spinal procedure, she'd asked Saren to sit beside her to distract her from what was going on. She laid flat on the bed with her entire back exposed in the cold air. Emma shivered just once as an anti-bacterial gel was spread across the length of her spine, stopping just below her neck. Turning her head to her left, she smiled up at Saren, and took his hand for comfort. She could tell they'd started because she could feel a warm, pulsing sensation in her lower back. She saw Saren lean closer to speak to her.

"I overheard some of the doctors saying you might be out of here by the end of the week." he purred, reaching over with his other hand to tuck some hair behind her ear.

"Really?" she beamed, even more when he nodded. "Guess that means we'll have to find somewhere else to stay for a while, huh?"

"I guess so. I've already started looking into it." there was a pause as the machine working on Emma beeped, the pulsing moving further up her spine to the next section. "I think we may only really have one option as of right now, though I'm curious to know when Garrus will be back from his assignment."

"Why's that?"

"Well, he was supposed to be checking out the Citadel, to make sure it's relatively safe to start sending people - namely what's left of C-Sec and the Council - back. And if he comes back with an all-clear, then it's possible we could just find someplace there." Saren, to her, looked hesitant.

"That sounds good to me." she said, swallowing and letting out a sigh as she felt some pressure being relieved in her back. She hadn't really noticed it was there until it was gone, and she felt better already. Emma gave his hand a gentle squeeze, glad that the pressure was returned. In the back of her mind, she recalled a small fact about some species of bird on Earth that was capable of producing approximately 400 pounds of pressure per square inch. Why that came to mind, Emma had no idea, but she was suddenly examining his talons a little closer, curious to know how much pressure he could exert if he was trying to. And with that thought, she remembered that day on Virmire when he'd put his hand around her neck - she'd almost blacked out.

"You're smiling..." Saren said with a grin, almost asking her silently why, with the way his tone sounded.

"I was just remembering something from a long time ago." she chuckled, meeting his gaze. He cocked his head to the side a little. "There's a long train of thought to this, but I was remembering when you um... when you were holding me by my throat on Virmire." she cleared her throat, smiling more. Emma watched his mandibles twitch as he recalled that day, and she thought she could see something of a smile on his face, though it had lessened.

"That was a long time ago." he said quietly, then shifting in his seat so that he was sitting back some. After a few minutes she gave a gentle tug on his hand, waiting until he looked back at her.

"So, tell me what you were thinking if we were able to go back to the Citadel. I want to know."

He launched into a lengthy, and messy layout of his plan for when they would go back to the Citadel. Emma wasn't really listening too carefully, but she provided the proper cues for him to continue talking. The sound of his voice, added with the pleasant heat making its way up her back, was making her tired, and her mind began wandering as she struggled to focus.

She was curious if anything would be the same on the Citadel - after the last attack from Reapers, it had gone through so many changes that she'd had to learn the whole layout of a large chunk of the station all over again. Emma hoped that this time, there wouldn't be too much that was different. What she really wanted to know was where exactly her new residence would be. She hoped it was near the Presidium, where it was nice, spacious, and relatively quiet. But if that didn't work out, she would settle for just about anywhere with a nice view that was away from unnecessary noise from crowds. She could dream, until they settled on something.

"- I don't know, I might have to pull some strings with whoever is in charge for that to happen." Saren sighed, finishing up just as Emma focused back in.

"Sorry, what was that last bit? I zoned out a little."

"I was saying that it's possible we could get somewhere in this one neighborhood - it has its own lake that's closed off, and it's right next to one of C-Sec's larger buildings so it's pretty safe there. But, it's also hard to get a place in that neighborhood."

"You're worried about safety? Between the two of us, not even considering C-Sec?" Emma chuckled, flattered, but also doubtful the concern was necessary.

"Do I need to remind you about the last time you ended up in a hospital?" he asked, his tone a little more serious than she'd have liked. But with a sigh, she shook her head, remembering clearly what happened.

Emma took a bullet in the chest, and she'd lost nearly a quarter of her own blood. Luckily it had only grazed her lung, and the bullet came out cleanly. She'd been healed up just a few days later. Still, she'd been the victim of an attempted assassination from a man hired by a fellow Spectre. Fortunately after following some leads, it was discovered that the Spectre had turned up dead, though there had been a note on her person stating that she'd wanted Emma dead for not being able to save Thessia from the reapers. That hardly seemed like just a month ago.

"Alright, so maybe we should be a little more concerned about security." Emma finally conceded. She watched Saren relax again, leaning over to nuzzle her gently.

"Like I said, I might have to pull some strings. But we'll have to wait until Garrus gets back with his team, and until then let's not worry too much about where we'll be staying."

She nodded and closed her eyes, waiting for another half hour or so for the procedure to finish. Emma could feel the difference when she sat back up again, doing some basic movements to see if there were any issues. The only issue she had, thankfully, was a rather poor posture - that could be corrected easily through practice, and some back braces. It would only be until she could get her muscles stronger and trained better. After that, she and Saren were left alone, unsure of what to say to each other.

"Emma?" Hannah smiled as she came in the doorway.

"Hi mom." she grinned, standing up to hug her mother tightly.

"You're standing up!" Hannah laughed, taking a step back. "I guess I forgot to check in sooner..."

"It's fine, mom." Emma said, sitting back down, watching her mom give Saren a rather awkward side hug. "I actually just got my back fixed up a few minutes ago. Some... new non-invasive procedure."

"And did it work?"

"Yeah, it seemed to work really well. There wasn't even any pain, so far as I could tell. I mean, my back wasn't super messed up, but it was still worse than before." she shrugged. "How long did it even take?" Emma asked, looking to Saren.

"Maybe an hour, hour and a half?" he said, shrugging as he looked up from his omni-tool. He'd developed a habit of checking it when her mother was around, and she wished he would actually try to have a conversation. But, they could talk about it later.

"That's good. And your rehab has been going well?"

"I'm making progress, yeah. I might be out by the end of the week."

"Good!" Hannah smiled, eventually changing the subject to how most of the repairs were going, and such.

Saren eventually began listening to the conversation, and it became clear that the clean up would be taking much longer than anyone thought. Resources were scarce and the top priority was getting the relays functioning once again. A few had been completely dismantled, so some systems were now inaccessible unless a ship had enough fuel capacity to fly that far on its own. There were only a handful of ships still active that could make that kind of trip. It seemed that there would be plenty for the both of them to do once she was cleared from the hospital.

"The most difficult thing is trying to get some of the automatic systems back up. It's not nearly as hard as it sounds, since it's such a common technical repair," Hannah stated with a sigh, "There's just so many of them out there, and there are decisions that have to be made."

"Like what?" Emma asked, confused.

"Well, for example, do we start rebooting the VI's that administer medication to patients, or do we focus on the VI's that will help with repairs? As of right now, it's hard to do both - there isn't enough power."

"I see..." Emma frowned, lowering her gaze. People were going to have to be sacrificed so that rebuilding could continue. Otherwise, there would be too many people, and not enough food, water... It would get bad. On the other hand, if there was too much focus on rebuilding, then the war would have been for nothing since so many would be dying from the most basic infections or diseases that could have been treated otherwise. It was as if the hardest part was yet to come.

"It will be difficult, but I'm sure this won't last long." Hannah spoke up again. Emma knew she was trying to take her mind off of it. "Besides, I was talking with the committee, and I guess they sent a team to the Citadel. So far it sounds like it will be easy to just... resume living on it. They're expected to return tonight with a full report."

"Garrus was on that team." Saren said quietly, sounding curious. "Can you tell me who you were talking to?"

"I'm sure I can forward the information." Hannah nodded, already pulling it up. "If I had known Garrus was on that team, I would have asked for more information."

"Wait, how did you know about that assignment at all?" Emma spoke up.

"I'm on the committee. All the Council races were sent to the Citadel in about five different teams. I was only in charge of looking after one specific team headed to check out the outer edges of the Citadel. All teams were supposed to arrive tonight, however."

"Saren, could you-"

"I'll go see what I can find out from Garrus." he nodded. "And if it's not too late, I'll see if he feels up to seeing you."

"Thank you." Emma sighed, smiling.

* * *

It had begun to rain that night - quite heavily. Large parts of the city were threatened by flooding, and it was near impossible to get any work done on some projects. Saren had honestly never seen rain this heavy before, and it made London look rather spectacular with what lights were shining. He'd left the hospital with Emma's mother to greet the teams as they came back. The shuttles could be seen coming in, and immediately there was an issue.

There were only four.

"Hannah, you said there were five teams, right?"

"Yes," she paused, looking up, "and there are only four shuttles..." she muttered, moving to figure out which team was missing and why. The first team to come out looked utterly exhausted, or bored. Saren couldn't tell. The second and third teams looked tired, and in need of some warm food, but the fourth team was being tended to by several medics. He pushed forward to see what was going on. This team was larger than five people - there were about nine. He searched to find someone who was willing to speak, when he heard his name being called out by an asari. He found her and immediately walked over to sit next to her. Her armor was scuffed from recent gunfire, and she had several wounds that looked worse than they likely were. Overall, she'd seen a fight, but definitely hadn't had the worst of it.

"Tell me what happened to the other team."

"I was on the other team." she coughed, looking down at her hand to see blood coming out. He was about to call for a medic, but she waved him off, saying she was fine. "Damn turian couldn't abandon his mission - said there was something wrong about the place. We thought it was fine, but suddenly a door opened up, and... I don't know." she sighed, hanging her head, staring at the dirt on the ground. "Didn't look like any part of the Citadel I'd ever seen. And he just walked in the door like it was nothing to be scared of. We told him to get back, or at least wait for us."

"What was this turian's name?" Saren asked, already knowing fully, but wanting to be absolutely sure.

"Vakarian."

"Hm." he nodded, looking down. "What else happened? Why were you shooting?"

"We weren't the only ones on the Citadel. Some scavengers had followed us onto the station, and they thought it would be a great idea to try and take it. But, they didn't realize how many of us there were. Initially, it was just the first team, but we called the second team the second shots were fired, and they were there in under ten minutes. Once it was taken care of, that's when the door showed up, and then boom, it was gone again." The asari shook her head and let out a long sigh. "I want to go back to get him, but I'm in no shape to be exploring."

"Thank you for sharing. I'll leave you to rest." Saren said, standing up. He was walking back over to Hannah, along with the others of the committee who were now informed of the issue as well.

"We can't send another team up there, we don't even know where this 'door' is!"

"And what are we supposed to do, just leave a man stranded up there while we figure out what to do next?"

"I can take a small team of volunteers." Saren spoke up quickly. "I might know how to get this door to open up again."

"He's our best chance." Hannah said, folding her arms as she looked at him. Everyone else was glaring at her, and her face hardened. "If you think I'm joking, then tell me who else would be better than Saren."

"Your daughter?" a turian flared his mandibles in a smirk that made Saren growl softly. The others nodded.

"My daughter-" Hannah spat, getting in the face of the smug turian - even going to far as to pull on his keel to get him eye level with her, "is in the hospital and hardly capable of walking a few feet, let alone leading a team through the damn Citadel! Hasn't she done enough for any of you?!" Hannah looked around as she practically threw him back, accusing every single person in the circle who had previously nodded in agreement. "She saved all our lives, not just this once. There was that time three years ago, when she helped stop Sovereign from destroying the Citadel. She died, and came back to save humanity from the threat of the Collectors, who were working under the reapers. And now, she's ended this war. She's already done more than what was asked of her, and you're asking her to suddenly spring back up from her hospital bed ready to go take on more?! Have any of you ever thought she might want to retire, to live alone in peace? Give her a chance to rest, for god's sake." Hannah stepped back, taking a heavy breath. Saren smiled, resting his hand on her shoulder. It was quiet in the area - everyone had heard Hannah.

"Well, if none of you are going to object, I'll be gathering a team, and borrowing a shuttle." Saren said, turning around quickly to do just that.

Hannah was right, Emma not only needed to rest, but deserved it. More than anyone. Saren was going to find Garrus and bring him back alive. He just hoped that there wouldn't be anymore serious conflicts on the Citadel. With a heavy sigh, he pulled up his omni-tool to call Emma.

"Hey-" her smile fell instantly. "Saren..."

"Garrus isn't here." He said as even as he could, "I talked to an asari on his team, and I guess there was a small fight with some scavengers, and a door opened up. Garrus went through and no one else could get to him."

"What?"

"I know... It sounds, well, fake. But I'm taking a team to go find him. I'm not coming back until I do."

"Saren-"

"Emma, I want to do this. He's our friend, and we both know he wasn't in the best state of mind before he left. I'm worried and I want to bring him back safe. You're not coming with me, you need to rest." He sighed and looked at her watering eyes. Saren softened his tone. "It's only for a few days, I'm sure. I know how to look after myself."

"If you don't come back-" she was choking up on her tears, and couldn't finish her thought. He didn't want her to.

"I'm coming back, I promise. Keep working on your physical therapy, I want you walking on your own when I get back."

He watched her nod, trying to dry her tears with the back of her hand.

"Will you at least come give me a hug before you leave?"

"I can do that, Emma. Try to get some sleep, I won't be leaving until tomorrow."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

Saren hated that he'd lied to Emma. He never went to visit her - he had to leave immediately to find Garrus. The asari he'd talked to was going to lead most of the way, at least to where the door had shown up. Her name was Estair, and she was a commando. That would definitely come in handy if there was another fight. A couple turians volunteered as well, but it was hard to find any more than that. A team of four would have to do.

"Saren, I'm coming with you." Hannah said as he went to grab some weapons. She'd been standing nearby, dressed in armor. The family resemblance was striking, and admittedly terrifying. Right down to the tone of voice.

"I can't let you come, Hannah-"

"Don't give me that bullshit. Emma will be fine here, I got Hackett to station a few guards outside her room while we're gone. And if anything happens to her, I'll get a direct message. I'm coming with you."

"Why?"

"I know how much Garrus still means to her. If he doesn't come back in one piece, I might lose her again, and I can't stand the thought of that." She smiled, and held up a sniper rifle. "And, someone is going to have to watch your back."

"Great." Saren groaned, grabbing a pistol and heading back to the group.

"What?" she practically snapped. He turned with a smile.

"Now I have to keep an eye on you, _and_ Garrus."

Hannah let out a rather light laugh for the situation they were heading to, jumping into the waiting shuttle with him and the other three members of the team. Saren sat back for the time being. While he was officially leading this mission, he didn't have to do much actual leading for some time, yet. He distracted himself by typing out a message to Emma. He planned to give her full details of what happened while he, and her mother, were away. No doubt she would be miserable, and practically dying from the anxiety of not knowing what was going on. This was quite possibly the worst thing he could have ever thought to do to her, but it was for the best.


	6. Chapter 6 - The Citadel

_Author's Note: Thank you to_ **00000010Clown,** **sol's-light, DarKMarshal **_and_ **leschjc**_for__ the follow and_ **Spartan-A312 **_and _**DarKMarshal**_ for the favorite_!_ From Saren's Perspective._

**_Edit: Because of how much work I've been putting into the story, and the seeming lack of interest, for the forseeable future I am going to put this story on hold, and cease updating. I apologize, but if you would like to see more of this story, leave a comment, message me, do something because I won't know otherwise. I'm sorry, but that's the way things need to be for now. Thank you for understanding, and thank you for reading thus far. I hope I can continue writing at a later date._**

* * *

The shuttle ride was surprisingly smooth. Since being fired, the Citadel arms had opened up again, though not nearly as much as he had seen them open, before. It was enough for a small cruiser to get through, and no more. Not to mention, the Citadel looked ghostly. Buildings were destroyed, there were still some fires burning, and it looked barren. Saren was trying to stay focused on navigating the pilot to the last known location of Garrus. They needed to move quick, and looking around at all the things that had gone wrong was not going to help him.

"Let's get moving towards his last known location." Saren said right before they touched down. He pulled out his pistol, letting the couple of soldiers who were on Garrus' team lead the way. The group wound through a series of corridors, stepping over bodies, and chunks of dead reapers. Along the way, a few men saw survivors, and went to aid them instead. A trail was left behind of scattered groups until it was just Saren, Hannah, and the two turians who had been at Garrus' side. They continued through a series of shattered shop fronts that smelled of burnt flesh and smoke, and met a grate that the two had sworn was open before. It didn't take long for Saren to pry it off with his biotics before the crawled through the duct for nearly a half hour, climbing out and ending up in a keeper tunnel they could walk down. But that wasn't the end of it. Down another series of corridors, and cutting through a section of the presidium Saren had never seen before, there was a small clearing that led to what looked like a hall. Taking the hall, the four came to a stop at a large, white, seamless wall.

"This is where we last saw him." one of the turians said. "If you can figure out how to get it to open up again, we'll stay here just in case it closes up again."

"It's not going to close up again." Saren heard himself mutter as he approached the door. A painfully familiar nagging feeling at the back of his skull was felt. He knew the pull, and was momentarily worried. He glanced over to Hannah.

"What is it, Saren?"

"I'm feeling the pull of indoctrination. I shouldn't be, but I would know the feeling anywhere." he took in a breath, "I think I know how to open this door up, but if I start acting different, however slight, I want you to knock me out and take me back to Earth. Understand?"

"Of course." she nodded, solid in what she said. Of course she wouldn't have any trouble knocking him out, why was he worried?

He turned his gaze back to the wall, and holstered his gun. Saren stepped up to the wall, and closed his eyes, listening for a crack in it - where the whispering would get louder. He wandered along the wall for several minutes before it suddenly hit him - loud, yelling that made him cringe. Grimacing, Saren threw a biotic punch at the wall, pleased when he heard a crack and the yelling subsided. Opening his eyes, he saw that back near the group, a hole had opened up. Hannah gave a slight smile as he walked back.

"Let's keep going." he turned back to the other two. "If this door shuts for some reason, you go back to that spot and throw everything you've got at it until it opens again." he waited until he got two nods, and then followed Hannah down the narrow, dark hall. They walked in silence before she spoke, hardly surprising him.

"How did you know?"

"The pull is similar to that of a beacon. There's a... Whispering that gets louder, more intense the closer you get. It's how I found the second beacon, back when..." he trailed off, and shook his head. "It was hidden behind a wall in a monestary. They all come with switches, you just have to know how to find it."

"Good to know. Though it makes me wonder how many doors like this exist on the Citadel." she said, slowing once they reached a point where the hall opened up into a mess of metal beams and wiring. It looked like Earth.

"I'll go along the left side, you take the right." Saren said, pulling up his omni-tool, searching for Garrus' omni-tool signal. He wouldn't have lost it, or thrown it out. Weaving in and out of rubble, searching for him, despite the 'tool telling him he wasn't anywhere near here, Saren hoped that they could leave soon. This place felt wrong, and cold. Much like Sovereign had. He pushed that thought away. He needed to find Garrus. He was here somewhere, maybe not in this room, but there was a straight path. After confirming there was nothing here, the two continued on.

The rubble continued to get worse, and it got so crowded that Saren could barely fit through without having to push things out of the way. He knew he would have turned back, but Garrus was stubborn, and he was clearly looking for something if he'd gone this far. Hannah was behind Saren and she seemed to be growing impatient.

"Let me go ahead of you. I can move faster and wait for you up ahead, it looks like there might be another clearing not far from here." she said, yanking on his shoulder to get him to stop. With a huff he flattened himself against hte wall the best he could, watching as Hannah easily slipped through the series of fallen sections of wall, and crawled between narrow gaps he would have had to push aside. In seconds, she was out of his sight. Saren envied her small frame, and continued muscling his way through. His biotics would have been helpful here, only this work required finesse that he just didn't have the capability for at the moment. So pushing things aside was his only option, if he didn't want to get trapped in the narrow hall.

Several long minutes later, he was in the clearing, and Hannah was flat on the ground, sprawled out and looking down a crevice. He walked over as close as he dared with the cracked floor, looking around. The view of Earth from here was magnificent. From this distance, Earth looked scorched, but still relatively normal compared to what he'd seen just before the war had begun. He could see that it wasn't all so bad as it looked - there was still more than enough green covering the planet.

"I think I see him, but he's not responding, Saren." Hannah called out, carefully crawling back to where the ground was stable. "We should signal the others, get a cable and send someone down there to get him out."

"You're sure it's him?" Saren asked, scanning his omni-tool for Garrus' again. Sure enough, Garrus' omni-tool lit up, and chirped from below.

Scanning further, Saren tried to assess the situation as Hannah organized the rescue. He looked fine, just knocked unconscious. The floor likely had fallen out from beneath him, the whole area was unstable. Up ahead, there was a clear barrier where a hall had been, looking instead out to empty space. Pulling up a map, he noticed that he was near the base of the Citadel tower. Which was gone, after the blast.

"Damn it, Garrus." he growled, getting on the ground to crawl over and look over the edge down at him. Sudeenly there was an audible crack, and Saren tried to scramble away before it gave out. Unfortunately, he wasn't quick enough, and he began to fall. Acting on instinct, he reached out, hoping to catch himself on something. His talons scraped along metal and wires as he fell some distance. Saren let out a yell in pain as his shoulder was pulled from the socket when his hand caught on a ledge. As the hand went numb it began slipping, and he quickly brought his other hand up to ease the burden, finding some footing below him to ease the burden on his hands. The floor tiles crashed to the ground, and Saren looked down, seeing that he was about half-way down. The tiles were nowhere near Garrus, luckily. And, had he landed, he definitely would have broken something upon impact. He would take the dislocated shoulder over a fracture any day.

"Saren! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Dislocated my shoulder grabbing the ledge, but I'm fine." he growled.

"There's a team headed this way. They should be about twenty minutes." Hannah called back to him. He glanced down again.

"I'm going to jump the rest of the way down. I can make sure we get him up alright."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm half-way, now, I think I'll be fine." he said, lowering himself a bit before giving a small hop to jump below. He landed with a heavy thud, and pain shot up through his feet to his knees. He let out a low growl, and a hiss of pain, but when he stood, his legs and feet seemed to be just fine, despite the shock.

"Saren?"

"I'm fine. Go meet the team and get them here, I'll see if I can't wake up Garrus." he sat himself down on the ground with a grunt, pulling up his omni-tool to make sure that what he'd seen earlier wasn't a mistake. He pulled up Garrus' omni-tool and synced it to his to see if he could get some idea of what he was doing all the way out here. A glance at his vitals showed a rapid increase in his pulse, and adrenaline, before it suddenly dropped. Likely, that was when he'd fallen. The time showed that it happened nearly a day ago, so the fact he hadn't woken up yet wasn't good. Other scans showed that he'd only hit his head, which was better than something being broken.

For about fifteen minutes Saren sat there, waiting to see if Garrus would wake up. He didn't move, though Saren wasn't surprised in the least. He heard voices echoing from above, and looked up just in time to see a makeshift stretcher being lowered down. Since the circumference of the hole seemed to be relatively stable, now, a few of the volunteers were standing along the edge to help support the stretcher. A few called down to see if Saren needed help moving Garrus, but by the time he caught what they were saying, with all the echo, Garrus was already placed on the stretcher, ready to be hoisted up.

Of course, because of his heavy armor, it took several minutes to even get him a few feet off the ground, let alone up the massive hole in the ground. After nearly a half hour, they got him out, and drug him to the medics to take care of him. He wasn't sure how they planned to get him out, but he had a few ideas, none of which he liked.

"We're going to throw a couple more cables." Hannah called down, "Think you can find a spot to climb up?"

"There's a pretty good path in front of me now." he said after a minute of looking around. It was by no means something he could scale on his own, but that's what the cables were for. Though, with his shoulder, he wasn't sure how he would fare. "Just give me a minute to put my shoulder back in place." he said, finding a relatively flat space of the wall to lean against, grabbing his arm and pulling down on his arm gently, growling at the pain. He tried to gauge how far off from the socket it was as he pulled, and once he had a good idea, he turned, using the wall to help leverage his arm as he pushed it up harshly. It luckily popped back into place without issue, but it sent a wave of pain through him, and he didn't bother trying to stifle it.

"Saren?"

"I'm alright. I just had to put my shoulder back in place. I'll have one of the medics look at it one I'm up, but I need both arms to get up." he moved back into view just as the cables came over the edge with a makeshift harness attached. After properly attaching himself, Saren began to push his way up, grabbing pieces of tile and pipe that were sticking from the wall, and then trying to find good places to push off with his feet. It took several minutes before he got to a chunk where he would need to be sure the cables wouldn't fail him. After giving some instruction to the others holding him up, he attempted the jump a few feet above him, barely grabbing on to the pipe that stuck out. When he felt it shift beneath his weight, he scrambled to find another foothold. He got it just in time, relieving the weight off the pipe that was no doubt about ready to come loose. It was an easy climb the rest of the way up, and as soon as he was able to sit on the edge, he felt lightheaded, and knew he was going to pass out any moment.

"Let's get back to the shuttles." Hannah said, barking out orders. Though she took on glance at Saren, and he felt he catch him before he toppled back over, down into the pit.

* * *

He woke up in the shuttle, likely a good twenty minutes later. He was laying on the floor with an IV stuck on the inside of his arm, and right beside Garrus. He looked much worse, now that the clean light of the shuttle was reflecting off him. His plates almost looked like they were cracked - as if he'd suddenly aged years. The scar on his face didn't help much. After Saren felt like he had enough strength to push himself up, he tried to sit up, he felt himself loose balance, and slam back to the floor with a groan.

"Damn it, I should have known you wouldn't stay still." Hannah said, walking from the cockpit to kneel beside him. "How are you feeling?"

"Not very balanced. Foggy."

"Do you know what happened?"

"I passed out after I got out of the damned pit. I'm assuming we're headed back to Earth?"

"We are, yes. You and Garrus are going to be admitted into the hospital. He's going to be closely monitored, but they just want to keep you for the night and make sure you didn't suffer any other injuries." Saren groaned again, and Hannah laughed. "Calm down... They're putting you in the same room with Emma."

His heart stopped, and he closed his eyes with a heavy sigh. It had been a few days, easily, since he'd last talked to her. She was going to be furious with him. He didn't want that, and he especially didn't want to be confined to a separate bed in the same space as her. She would only glare, and they would be forced to either talk, or deal with a tense, uncomfortable silence.

"Oh... I forgot..." Hannah said quietly, her sigh heavy.

"She's going to be furious that I lied to her."

"But I'm sure she'll understand-"

"Hannah, it took me a long time to trust her, and she trusted me from the beginning. This might seem small but I've never gone back on my word to her, not once. Not until now."

"She'll get over it."

"Eventually." he said, aware that it came off bitter. There was silence for a moment, and then he felt her lay her hand over his.

"You'll be stuck in a room with her for 24 hours. I'm sure the two of you can talk this out, and everything will be okay." her voice was soft, and he knew that if anyone knew Emma, she sure as hell did. Saren could claim such, but in reality, there wasn't much he could say about her in a personal manner. Other than the fact that she was much more gentle than she let on.

He was still dreading going to the hospital, to an angry Emma. She deserved better than being lied to. He could have told her the truth, told her she had no choice in the matter and that he was going. But he didn't. He glanced over to Garrus.

"How is he?"

"He's fine, all things considered. A slight concussion that caused some swelling. A quick drain of some fluids and he should be alright. At least that's what I've been told. We still have no idea why he was there, or what he was trying to do."

"It's not like him to go off like that..."

"We were hoping you, or Emma, could talk to him once he's awake again. I doubt he'd tell any of us, seeing as he went alone."

"He wasn't exactly interested in talking to either of us." he shrugged, and then turned his head to the other side, glancing at the wall of the shuttle. "There's too much going on between the three of us right now, maybe it's best we try to take a break from each other."

"You'll all figure it out." Hannah said, standing up.

He hoped she was right. Saren would have hated to be part of the cause of a rift between their group, and he had no one else to go to. They were the closest thing to a family he was every going to get.


End file.
